What Really Happened before the Final Battle
by Mr. BramStoker
Summary: Just before the dramatic clash on Pelennor Fields, Aragorn and the Fellowship are having doubts on whether the fight is really a good idea. meanwhile, the Witch-King has had enough of Sauron's hard rule and abandons him… and finds a kindred spirit in Arwen.


**What Really Happened before the Final Battle**

**I do not own Lord of the Rings. This is a parodied version of the big battle scene at Minis Tirith from Return of the King.**

**Rating: T**

**Pairings: Nein**

**Characters: Aragorn, Arwen (rowr, she's a sexy elf), Legolas, Boromir, Gimli, Faramir, Tauriel (from the Hobbit movies) and the Witch-King of Angmar (dun dun dun!)**

**Plot: Minutes before the big climactic battle on Pelennor Fields, the Fellowship ****and**** Sauron's henchmen are having doubts on the big battle… and the outcome**

"Sir! Good news! We've driven away all the opposing enemies out of the White City! We have the Banner!" a Gondorian soldier rapidly babbled, as Aragorn, King of Men and heir to the throne nodded in reply. "Good lad! Have Theoden King gather his soldiers and mount! We go to war!" Aragorn ordered

"Yes! … Wait, what?" Legolas gasped, confused. Aragorn was about to head out of the city before stopping when seeing his companions stare at him like he was crazy

"Well, what are you standing for? This isn't a sightseeing tour, for crying out loud!" Aragorn griped as Faramir started to look pale.

"Uh… well, your Highness, um…" Faramir stuttered as Aragorn listened. The Gondorian war captain then let out a large operatic high note that shattered nearly all the windows and walls in the entire White City. Heck, it was **so loud** it even annoyed the **Ringwraiths**

"AAAUUGHH! Someone shut that guy up!" a Nazgul rasped dramatically, covering his head with his bony, metallic claws. The Ringwraiths' leader, the infamous Witch-King of Angmar, Sauron's most cruelest, meanest, and most **dangerous** of all servants, shook his head in disgust at the idiocy of his own soldiers. "I'm surrounded by idiots." the Witch-King murmured to himself before slapping one Nazgul up the head

"Enough mucking around, fools! Time to finish the age of Men, Dwarves, Elves and Hobbits alike! And we shall rule forevermore!" the Witch-King ranted, cackling maniacally, flying off on his large fell beast before immediately realizing he forgot something. "Aargh! Those insolent **cowards!**" the King snarled, pulling on his fell-beast's reins to get it to turn around, but it wasn't as very bright, so the beast ignored his master and instead landed on a small field of grass, where it then nibbled away.

"AAUGH! I said **MOVE**, you overgrown worthless **nag!**" the Witch-King snarled, the fell beast sneezing, releasing a large amount of slime on the Witch-King's most prized helmet and his uniform. That did it. The Witch-King, Sauron's most sadistic, nightmarish and most evil of all his long list of minions, let out a loud shriek of anguish.

"Ok, are we done stalling? I see Theoden King and his armies getting mounted. So should **we**!" Boromir called out, as Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli were playing cards over by a makeshift fire… made of decaying body parts from a slain Orc.

"Aragorn!" a familiar voice rang out. The heir turned and laughed in joy as his beloved wife Arwen rushed towards him, leaping into his arms. Aragorn swung his beloved bride before placing her on the ground and kissing her.

"It's so nice to see you. Your arrival truly made my day, considering the harrowing amount of trouble we went through here." Aragorn uttered, as Boromir rolled his eyes. "Love. Disgusting." Gimli scoffed, spitting into his spittoon can.

Legolas idly stood out by the entrance to the White City before seeing a hand stroke his elven blond hair. He knew that hand anywhere. It belonged to his bride to be, Tauriel, the Woodland Realm Commander of the Guard, and daughter of Thranduil, King of the Woodland Realms.

"Legolas my love… how fare you on this day of war?" Tauriel hopefully asked, her hand on her belly, Legolas eyeing it and noticing **something**. "It cannot be…" Legolas gasped as Tauriel giggled.

"Yes, yes it is! Twins!" Tauriel cheered, as Legolas' left eye twitched in shock. "Ugh, honestly, Aragorn, what's troubling you? We came **all this way**, went through a **LOT of trouble**, were almost killed by rampaging ghouls, survived being crushed by giant spiders, and now we're finally taking on the big cheese!" Boromir ranted, Arwen spitting out her wine on cue.

"No… you don't mean… Not… you know who?" Arwen whimpered. Faramir then uttered the name that has haunted and terrified nearly **ALL** of Middle-Earth. "Sauron" Faramir rasped. All at once, Arwen leaped onto Aragorn's legs, kissing his leather-sewn boots repeatedly, muttering gibberish.

"Arwen! What's the matter with you? You're **embarrassing** me!" Faramir spat, mortified of seeing a grown Elf woman groveling like a drama queen. "Aragorn! Please! Please don't go out there! You'll get massacred!" Arwen pleaded

"Oh, thanks very much for the confidence." Faramir snarled sarcastically. Aragorn then exhaled and uttered, "All right, **all Right**, I'll do it!" and then scooped Arwen up and placed her into Boromir's arms. "HEY!" Boromir called out as Arwen immediately fell asleep.

"Legolas, Tauriel, you two coming as well? We could use you guys if we're gonna take out Sauron." Aragorn commented, getting onto his steed. "I, uh, we'd love to… but you see, the thing is…" Legolas sheepishly uttered. "Oy vey! Now what?" Faramir groaned

"Lemme guess… she's pregnant?" Aragorn apathetically asked. "How the heck did you know?" Legolas asked cluelessly. "I **saw** you two canoodling out in the woods last week." Aragorn muttered. Legolas then simply shrugged and commented "well, you know what they say, when in rome…"

"all right, I get it" Aragorn muttered, before turning to Eomer. "Eomer, watch Tauriel as she may go into labor. Make sure nobody, and I mean **NOBODY** comes near her, especially the Nazgul!" Aragorn ordered, Eomer saluting.

"and, what of **me**, my liege?" Boromir asked sarcastically. "You are to watch over Arwen and the women and children until we get back. And keep your eyes out for the Witch-King. He may be sneaking around in here." Aragorn commented.

"But-but, what do we do if he **DOES** get here!" Boromir shivered. "If he does get to the City, then you can chop his damned head off, if you have to burn it to the ground, so be it." Aragorn muttered before he and his calvary rode off… all ignoring the figure in the grasslands as he climbed up the terrace wall.

"stupid fell beast. That's the **last** time I commandeer a mammal!" the Witch-King grumbled before finally approaching the courtyard. Boromir headed over to a bench and sat down, unknowingly crushing a metallic hand. "Ouch!" a ghostlike voice rang out. Boromir jumped off and pulled up the unsuspecting figure before realizing just **who** it was. There, right in front of him, Boromir, Son of the Steward of Gondor, came face to face with the dreaded Lord of the Nazgul himself.

"*Boo*" the Witch-King hissed. Boromir suddenly went pale and then got onto his horse and rode off shrieking "ARAGORN! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!" Arwen, Tauriel, and the Witch-King watched with amusement… and embarrassment as Boromir elegantly… or flamboyantly exited.

"… what the hey's with **him**?" the Witch-King asked. "too much maternal stress." Arwen muttered. There was a small silence before Tauriel asked "you… um, wanna get some coffee?" "Yeah, why not. I pretty much quit working for Sauron anyway." The Witch-King commented

"um… too much evil?" Legolas asked. "No. My ringwraiths are a bunch of brainless, incompetent idiots." The Witch-King sighed, before adding "all my life, I wanted an army. An army I could command, could control, could even bond with… but alas, all **I** got was a pair of eight chowderheads who cant even hold a sword straight."

"aw, im sorry to hear that." Arwen responded, showing sympathy as the troubled wraith sat on the terrace bench as Arwen sat next to him. "you know… I was thinking… why **did** I agree to serve Sauron, anyway? I mean, sure he **did** give me and the others those rings, and all… but he **is** kind of a jackass. He never gives me respect, he treats my wraiths and orcs like garbage, and worst of all, he doesn't even give us any credit for all we do!" the Witch-King exclaimed, stifling a small sob. Arwen kindly placed her hand on his and looked him in the eye "I think, I see the **man** instead of the monster in you. You still have your humanity… buried, deep underneath the shadow. Sauron made you that way… because you were easily fooled by him. But now… now, you can be **free**." Arwen replied, as the Witch-King gently embraced her. "you are a very gentle soul. I will **never** forget your great kindness." The Witch-King commented

"the Witch-King of Angmar, by the power vested in me, I, Queen Arwen of Middle-Earth, hereby dub you the Royal Chief Counsellor of the Crown." Arwen vowed, knighting him with her staff.


End file.
